Creating Meaningful Intergenerational Gatherings - by Kate
In just a few days, I’ll be hosting our second annual Grand Fam Jam New Year’s Day feast. This event started last year when my group of Friday night Fam Jam friends wanted to create an event to invite our parents to. Last year, we had a great time connecting our parents to each other and bringing all of our families together. As I dive more and more into work around creating spaces and opportunities for people of all ages to gather and connect, I’ve been reflecting on these intergenerational gatherings and how I can make them more meaningful and less stressful. Recently, Becky, Kristy and I sat down for an Instagram live to talk through some ideas around gathering. Below, find some of the highlights from our conversation. I hope you find the ideas as helpful as I do, as I prepare for our upcoming Grand Fam Jam.
Intergenerational Gathering
Intergenerational family gatherings are some of the richest human experiences we have. They connect us to our roots, give children a sense of belonging, and create shared memories across time. And yet, these gatherings can also bring stress, expectations, noise, differing needs, and the weight of wanting everything to feel “perfect.” A Montessori approach offers a refreshing alternative: instead of trying to control every aspect of the event, we prepare the environment and support the people in it. We create space for independence, dignity, contribution, and connection. When we do this with intention, gatherings become not only easier but also more meaningful for everyone involved.
Below are six Montessori-inspired principles that can help you host intergenerational events that feel calm, joyful, and genuinely inclusive, so every person, from toddlers to teens to elders, feels seen and valued.
1. Offer Independence and Choice
One of the most empowering ways to reduce stress at family gatherings is to offer choice. When people are given autonomy, whether they’re three or eighty-three, they feel more comfortable and relaxed.
Some examples of simple choices:
Where would you prefer to sit?
Would you like to join the conversation in the living room or take a quiet moment in the den?
Feel free to come and go as you like, no pressure to stay until the end.
Choose your mug for tea or your dessert from a selection.
Choice communicates trust and respect. It also reduces pressure on the host to manage everyone’s experience. Teenagers may appreciate the chance to step outside for fresh air. Elders may prefer a quieter seat or an early departure. Young children may want a spot on the floor rather than at the table.
When independence is honoured, people settle into themselves more fully. The host’s job becomes lighter because guests are not waiting to be told what to do, they are free to participate in the ways that feel most natural to them.
2. Uphold Respect and Dignity for Every Generation
A Montessori environment begins with a belief in the inherent worth of each person. At family gatherings, this means we greet people warmly, listen attentively, and avoid speaking for them. It also means noticing preferences and honouring them without judgment.
Perhaps your elderly aunt prefers a warm seat near the fireplace. Maybe a young child needs time to warm up before speaking. A teen might want to avoid being the center of attention. Respecting these human differences strengthens everyone’s sense of belonging.
Another part of dignity is slowing down. Instead of rushing elders or children through transitions, coat removal, sitting at the table, and saying goodbye, we move at their pace. A few moments of presence communicate far more love than perfectly timed dinner service ever could.
3. Invite Purposeful Work
People love to contribute. Purposeful participation not only makes gatherings run more smoothly, but it also deepens connections. In Montessori environments, children and adults alike take on real, meaningful tasks, and this principle translates beautifully into family events.
Invite guests to:
roll napkins
set the table
arrange a tray of vegetables or fruit
choose the music
light candles
help assemble a dessert
stir soup or carry dishes to the counter
Purposeful work isn’t a burden; it’s belonging in action. Children feel proud when trusted with real tasks. Teens often enjoy having something concrete to do. Adults appreciate not having the entire responsibility fall on the host. Elders may cherish the chance to contribute in ways accessible to them, such as folding napkins or arranging flowers.
Sharing the work redistributes emotional labour and turns the gathering into a collaborative, joyful experience instead of a performance by the host.
4. Prepare the Space for Connection and Calm
A well-prepared environment supports ease, not effort. You don’t need elaborate decorations; you simply need intentional invitations for guests to engage in ways that meet their needs.
Consider preparing:
A quiet corner with soft lighting for anyone who needs a sensory break
A table with a puzzle, chess game, or deck of cards for casual connection
A craft or drawing station for children or creative adults
Cozy seating at different heights and firmness levels, accessible to all generations
Clear pathways that make it easy for older adults or toddlers to move around safely
The environment communicates care. It anticipates human needs instead of reacting to them. When the space invites calm engagement, people naturally settle, mingle, and relax.
5. Observe: The Host as a Gentle Guide
Montessori guides lead through observation, not constant direction. As a host, you can take a similar posture. Instead of trying to orchestrate every moment, simply watch:
Who looks cold or warm?
Who seems overwhelmed by noise or conversation?
Who is hovering near the kitchen wanting to help?
Who hasn’t had a chance to tell a story?
Which children may need a quiet moment or a shift in activity?
Observation allows you to anticipate needs before tensions arise. You might invite someone to sit, offer a glass of water, adjust lighting, start a quieter activity, or gently redirect a child. The key is that your support feels responsive, not controlling.
Hosting well isn’t about perfection, it’s about attunement.
6. Offer Clear, Compassionate Boundaries
Boundaries help a gathering feel safe for everyone. Children need predictable limits during family events, especially when routines are disrupted. Elders also benefit from clarity around timing, noise levels, seating, and transitions.
Some examples of healthy boundaries include:
We’re going to clear the table now. You can play in the living room or help with dishes.
The upstairs is a quiet space. Let’s keep play downstairs.
We’re opening presents after dessert.
If anyone needs a break, the den is our calm room.
Boundaries don’t restrict joy, they support it. They relieve children from navigating social ambiguity and help adults feel comfortable expressing their needs. When boundaries are kind, consistent, and predictable, gatherings unfold more smoothly.
Bringing It All Together
An intergenerational gathering rooted in Montessori principles is spacious, respectful, and deeply human. It doesn’t rely on the host doing everything or guests pretending to be perfectly behaved. Instead, it’s a living ecosystem where each person feels welcome to show up as themselves.
When you offer choice, uphold dignity, share purposeful work, prepare the space thoughtfully, observe with care, and hold gentle boundaries, you create a gathering where everyone, children, teens, adults, and elders, can connect in meaningful ways. You reduce stress not by lowering your standards, but by shifting your focus: from managing people to preparing an environment that supports them.
In this way, your family gathering becomes more than an event. It becomes a circle of belonging, a celebration of generations, and a memory your whole family will carry forward with warmth and gratitude.
